Tuesday, September 13, 2011


I like to think at one point in time I knew what it was like to be in love, but I was stupid and felt like I needed to have someone. Now I think how can you be in love or even like someone whom you've never met and never talked to on the phone. I guess you would call me a pessimst at this point in time I don't believe in love really. I've seen friends and family get hurt by it. I'm not to much in a rush to get hurt by anyone or anything right now.

They're not really like the normal love ones. Mine are more of love loss poems or dreamin of the right love. At one point in time I thought I was in love, but I was stupid and the whole idea behind the "so-called relationship" was crap to be quite honest. I mean how can you honestly say you love someone or even like someone you've never met or never talked to like voice to voice. Hey call me a pessimist but that's what I believe. I've seen friends and family get hurt because of love like this, and I'd rather just not go through anymore pain then I have to. I guess basically my question is how can you love someone if you don't them. It's hard enough to love people you know and you're around all the time so why.....why put yourself through something that's not necessary? 

Two thoughts yet both the same.
As of right now these are linked to an old poetry site


Death is definitely not something to take lightly. Remember when reading these they are feelings I had back in middle school. These are my versions of suicide poems if you tend to take things seriously please do not read them.
I'm giving you a warning now.
None are actually true.
NOTE: None of the poems are actually up yet.



What defines a friend? Have you ever stopped to wonder what a friend really is? What makes a person a friend? How do you define one? Is it someone who you've known all your life, or maybe someone you met recently. Do you talk to them everyday, or maybe just once a week? Some would say a friend is there for you when you're down. They listen to your problems. They try to help you when things aren't going right. They're always there for you through thick and thin, good times and bad. They stick up for you when others try to put you down. Is that all there really is to friendship though? Think about it! Then you don't just have friends you have acquaintances, best friends, and so forth and so on. How do you choose which goes from one to the next. The amount of time you see them, talk to them.


I Never thought

I never thought

Written 5-10-02
I never thought that this could happen
Ever happen to me
I never thought that this would happen
Ever happen to me
I never thought I could cry forever
Because forever is way too long
I never thought I could be so down
To where I didn't want to be around
I never thought I would want to die
Die because my life is hell
I never thought my life would end
Would end so painfully
I never thought I would see the day
The day my parents would get divorced
I never thought our fammily would be so unhappy
That this is what it would come to
I guess I never thought at all
That a family I could love so much
Would ever do this to me



I never thought

See this is me

Alright, you know how they say a picture is worth a thousand...umm...something. These definitely aren't. They are in fact pictures of myself which is why they're worthless. I'm just trying to show you who I am while trying to find the right picture. Don't ask what the right picture is because I don't know.

Vision This

This is how I picture my book cover to look. Now don't get to excited because I haven't actually started writing it. Okay, I lie...I've written like 10 pages in a spiral notebook back when I was in high school. I'm probably going to scrap those and start over. Maybe, I'll add some parts from that though just for an idea.

1.) I wrote in 3rd person and when I started up again I was writing in first person.  I really don't know which I prefer. I thought that first person would be easier, but I was reading where it's harder for new writers to write in first person. -shrugs-
2.) I went back and decided to rename all my characters. I like unique names that fit the character.
3.) I had some new plots I wanted to add, and I don't think I could have with the way it was going.

Now as you can see I picked a title, but I'm not sure I'm going to stick with it. When I first started this idea I had picked another one entitled Whose life? then I thought Dreaming Wide Awake. So I'm still going over it in my head. I know you may not understand the reasoning behind the titles so here's a little something to help you out. Maybe.

"Knowing a persons fate is easy, it’s forgetting that fate that’s truly hard. If  
I knew that it would turn out to be the “happily ever after” ending it wouldn’t be as bad, but knowing they never stand a chance well it pretty much sucks. Still, I want to save them, I believe I can save them, I have to save them. I can’t really explain why I see what I see. I can’t turn it on and off, and soon I’ll learn that I REALLY can’t save them."
My mom used to always tell me that what I could do was a gift, but honestly I didn’t see it that way. People always get hurt. How is seeing someone get hurt a gift? I can’t change the outcome. There’s really no rhyme or reason for them. You would think that since I don’t know these people that it wouldn’t even matter. What do I care if some thuggish looking boy meets his end while he shoots up? Or how about the older guy who is accused of sexually abusing his child, and he has so much guilt he kills himself? The prostitute who is beaten in the alley way just because she dresses sluttish? Did they deserve to meet their ends just because they did bad things in their lives? Should I care more if it is a single mother of 2, working two jobs, who gets hit by a drunk driver who lives? How about a little boy who has leukemia and the doctors only give him a month to live? Or those people who just happen to be in the wrong places at the wrong times? Do I give more attention to them. No, because there’s nothing I can do for any of them. Those lives are on a path. They were put in those situations for a reason. I can’t intervene. These are the things I see. Why? Your answer is as good as mine.
 Did you find that interesting? I hope so because at the moment that's all I have. Sad huh?

Monday, September 12, 2011

Untitles Book 2

This is actually a book that my friend and I had started. (Before some stuff went down between us. She somewhat apologized since then, but we have yet to actually talk.) Anyways, I figured since I had already written a few different "Chapters" I would just go ahead, and put them up here. Let me know what you think. I may put up what we had put together, and the back story to it at a later date.

My Characters:

-Reed Castle
Human, Shaggy brown hair, Born January 2,1994, 26 years old, dark green eyes, graduated from the University of Texas at Austin, he was offered a job worth a bit more then a new doctor usually gets but turned it down when he found an ad online for doctors who are more interested in "helping those who are less likely to be helped",so he's now a doctor intern at the S.M.R. under Dr. Sizemore.

Reed Chp 1

-Emberlyn Ray
Vampire, born July 23,1998, Named Emberlyn Fayth Ray, Nickname is Em or E.R, jet black wavy hair, hazel eyes, 22 years old, only one in her family turned into a vampire when the epidemic hit because she stepped in front to protect her younger sister, ran off to keep her family safe from herself, sister is Amberly, Emberlyn stumbled upon the Sacred Mortal Recovery (S.M.R) and checked herself in no longer wanting to be a vampire and wanting her family back.

Emberlyn's Prologue

-Amberly Ray
Human, Born June 3rd, 2002, Named Amberly Grace Ray, Reddish auburn hair with blonde streaks, 18 years old, green eyes, human attacked by a vampire but her sister Emberlyn got in the way of the attack and got bit, she wants to find her sister who took off after the attack.

Amberly Chp 1

-Zeke Thornes
Vampire, Born October 30,1996, Named Zeke Isaac Thornes, Spiky bluish black hair, 24 years old, piercing blue eyes, turned into a vampire on his own free will when a group of his friends and him thought it would be cool to hunt down the vampires hangout and change, turns out he was wrong, he can't be around his family because they want nothing to do with him.

Shad Martin
Vampire, posing as a human, 19 years old, goes to school with Amberly, brown short hair, green eyes,

Poetry from a Different Mind

Growing up, I always thought I had a pretty good child hood, and up until my teenage years I did. It's weird how you don't fully realize how good you had it until you lose it. Let's see up until my 6th grade year I had the "picture perfect family" or so I thought. I don't remember exactly how I was told that my mom had left, but I do remember that it hurt...alot. After that everything just didn't seem to matter anymore. My mom meant alot to me, and at 13 or 14 years old that's when a girl needs her mom the most. (In my opinion anyways)

Although I didn't actually start writing until I was older I think that was probably a major breaking point for me.


Death Wish

I Go Through Life
She's So Unusual


Don't Want to Lose You



About the Author


NAME: Ashley O
NICKNAMES: Ash (people are so original huh?)
D-O-B: April 4,1986
SIGN: Aries
HOMETOWN: Benbrook, Texas
OCCUPATION: CPhT (Certified Pharmacy Tech)